It is nighttime at the hiker hostel and the guy next to me says to the group, “I hate it when a girl goes around a shelter. I mean, I don’t want sloppy thirds.”
I say, “I’m surprised you made it in the top five.” Then I smile (a technique that my friends Jade and Monika taught me), so he is unsure of whether he should feel insulted or not.
Just to clarify, I did mean it as an insult.
I am up to my ears in testosterone, and I’m losing patience with it by the minute. Last night a guy in the shelter talked about how he thought being a gynecologist would be great, but his friend who is in that profession says, “It’s not all its cracked up to be. For every one hot chick, you get ten heifers.” That’s wrong on so many levels. Besides the demeaning nature of describing women as farm animals, what kind of perverted OBGYN sets up his practice for a daily peep show. Porn is a lot cheaper than Med School.
This same guy started talking about a young woman he met on the trail. According to him, she had “big plastic boobs” and was wearing a tight mini-skirt and a sequined tube top. He said, “It’s just so rare to see a hot chick on the trail.”
My first thought was sheepish, “Oh, um. I guess I don’t fall into that category here.” My second thought, “Can you imagine how much chafing hiking in a sequined tube top would cause?”
It’s not just that it’s rare to see a woman who is “hot” on the trail, there aren’t that many of us to begin with, and very few who are hiking solo (especially Southbound). I can understand why. Being a solo female hiker can be rough. Despite smelling bad and being grimy, I have still gotten hit on a lot, and if you want to get away from someone, you don’t always have many options.
In southern Maine, I hiked without my tent so that I could carry less weight. This worked pretty well until a middle aged man started hiking the same pace as me. I told him that I like to hike alone during the day, but because I didn’t have my tent, I had to stay in the shelters and he also stayed there. Being with him was bit like being around an un-neutered dog.
“I once gave a girl an orgasm with a foot massage,” he told me.
I said, “Dr. Bill, I don’t want to hear about that.”
Later he said, “This woman heard I was a thru-hiker and she wanted to jump my bones right then and there.”
I stopped and made him look at me, “Dr. Bill, just so we are absolutely 100% clear, I am not interested in that at all. Do you understand? Are we clear?”
He nodded.
Then he said, “You can tell people that I’m your Dad or that we’re dating.”
I said, “Dr. Bill, it should never be the case that those both are options at the same time.” And then I said, “Let’s have quiet time.”
As it turns out, when you tell a man in his 50′s that you want to play “quiet time,” he gets pissed off, leaves early, and you never have to see him again. I may have just found my favorite game.
Dealing with men like this has been getting increasingly frustrating and I’m losing any ability to laugh and play it off. It really bothers me. In a recent town, I went to an outfitter and the guy behind the counter was pretty aggressive and rude to me. The next day, I went back with a few male hikers, and that same salesman started telling us how easy the trail was and how we weren’t working that hard. Then he started talking about Russians. “I don’t like to make generalizations about race,” he said.
“But you will,” I interjected.
“Right,” he said. “It’s just that the Russians are so entitled. Czechs, on the other hand, they have been invaded so many times that they are passive and will let anything happen. They just wait it out.”
Then he started talking in hushed tones to the male hikers about his Czech girlfriend, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the gist of that conversation.
For reasons I don’t understand, the male hikers that I was hanging out with (and I like them) invited that guy out to dinner with us. We got there early and had a few drinks. As I am a real lightweight, I got a little tipsy.
When the man from the store met us, he said to me, “You’re wearing that skirt you bought.”
I said, “Yes, and I don’t want to sleep with you.”
Everyone was quiet for a moment and then one of the hikers said, “You’ll have to excuse her. We’ve been drinking and she’s a little bit happy. She’s normally a beautiful person.”
I felt a little guilty. Perhaps I was being mean? So when he joked and said, “Well, I have a hot tub, maybe you should reconsider,” I tried to roll with it.
But he wouldn’t stop picking on me and I looked down and away to avoid drawing his attention.
“Wow. She really is drunk,” he said. “Look how her eyes are glazed over.”
I turned to him and said, “No. It’s you. I don’t feel comfortable with you. So you can talk to any of these guys (I pointed to the male hikers), but don’t talk to me. In fact, I’m leaving.”
And I did.
One of the male hikers caught up with me in the parking lot and told me that he didn’t like the things that man said about women and asked me if I was ok, which was nice, but I don’t understand why men don’t stand up to other men about things like this.
A guy friend of mine said that he has to pick his battles, and I can understand that. I feel the same way-it’s just hard to know which battles to choose. It is clear to me that if a guy is hassling me, I should stand up for myself. But if I take every opportunity to speak up when a man says something degrading about women, I’ll get exhausted and run the risk of being called a “femi-nazi” or a “man-hater,” and perhaps that’s the way I’m coming off right now.
I don’t really care. If I hear one more guy talk about Nobo-ho’s (women who hike Northbound and sleep with more than one man) or call certain female thru-hikers sluts, I swear someone is going to lose a testicle by my hiking pole.
I should say that I have met a lot of great guys on the trail, and I am glad to have them as my friends. But give a girl a break! I’m sick of dealing with jerks.
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I think it is a cop out to say that a man is inviting a bar fight to respond to this crass behavior. Collectively if a group of guys are there, it takes the group of guys to back up the notion of a fight, same as they can back up the person who makes simple comments made to put a jerk in his place. Non-combative remarks that draw attention to the ignorance and sexism of such a person. It’s a reflection of the all the males that they wouldn’t stand up to such a guy. I know I have experienced such situations. I have made a smart remark back and had the men around me respond that I got the one up on him. Guys like that need their crap dished right back to them.
It comes down to respect. For respect for women and for ourselves that we don’t “go along” to be accepted. The hostility that is inherent toward women for some men isn’t something I think you can readily change but the belief they have that “all men” think the way they do is what continues to support them acting so atrociously.
This is my first visit to this blog; I stumbled it. It’s good to hear your experience with these matters and to know I’m not alone. I’ve spent most of my life surrounded by men. I grew up in a house with three brothers and no sisters, the majority of my friends have always been male, and I work in a male-dominated field.
Throughout high school I thought that the way I felt about how my friends spoke about women was *my* problem because I was chubby and “ugly”. I thought if I was attractive, then I wouldn’t mind the rude comments they made about attractive women or feel hurt about the cruel things they said about unattractive women.
Constantly I heard, over and over, in hundreds of different ways, that unattractive women were worthless and attractive women were good for only one thing.
Well I’ve grown into an attractive woman, and I’ve discovered that being “ugly” is not what made those comments seem terrible to me. I still work in a male-dominated field and my friends are still mostly male. It can be really hard to have the courage to stand up for yourself and your gender, for fear of being seen as “oversensitive” or a “feminazi”, or just not being “one of the guys” anymore, if you get my meaning. Feminism is a dirty word here in Southwestern PA but I make an effort in my everyday life to show my friends what it’s really about- that we can get along and show mutual respect for each other regardless of what lives in our pants.
Thank you for sharing!
Adelaide, I’m very impressed by how straightforward you were with those guys, especially the fiftyish guy. Good work! I’ll be using your lines in the future.
Best wishes for peaceful hiking.
Best wishes to you. I’m trying to develop the skill of being straightforward. Many times I’ve stuffed things down, and the frustration just builds up. Anyhow, feel free to use any of those lines (and get back to me if you come up with any great ones of your own.)
Wow, I solo hiked the PCT in two giant sections and never had men talk like that around me. Maybe that was because I’m older and uglier. Maybe they think they’re trying to flirt or turn you on or something. Or maybe, like someone else said, you’re just not far enough away from towns.
I suggest next time hiking the PCT. People are not creepy on the PCT. They are kind and respectful. I think I only met a half dozen or so of the kind of party frat-boy guys you described. Also, you can hike northbound and have just as much solitude as you want.
Ha. I am sure you aren’t uglier. It’s probably just a function of the number of people on the trail and the proximity to towns.
I’ve been thinking about doing a section of the PCT this year. Because I live in Oregon, I’ve gotten to do a tiny bit of it, but a longer hike would be great. I hear it’s gorgeous.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot since you commented. Maybe I’ll find a female hiking partner for part of the PCT.
I get the same responses from guys as soon as I step outside. I really enjoyed reading this.
You rock! Keep on fighting the good fight, lady.
Adelaide: thanks for sharing! I’m sorry to learn that you’re constantly bothered by man acting like jerks. I would be less sorry if your case was unique, but I find it disturbing that women have to deal with that, or worse, all the time.
I’m glad to read comments from guys. It’s great to know there are other men out there concerned about gender issues and participating actively in the discussion.
I find it interesting how we only discuss our privilege and how we should stop exploiting it, but we seldom talk about the benefits we can get by changing our relationship with women. I think it’s hard to convince other men to abandon such male privilege “just because it is unfair”. It’s not like ethics is not enough to seek gender equality, but some incentives might help.
Fortunately, I think there are great incentives for us as men to pursue a non-oppressive relationship with women. My hypothesis is that we can lead happier, more fulfilling lives if we abandon our imposed gender role. We don’t have to be right about everything, we don’t have to compete on everything. We don’t have to prey on women if we recognize that we could have relationships of mutual respect, attraction, love, care. We can share our lives with more people, learn from more humans. Heck, we can have much better sex by acknowledging the presence of a human being, rather than using her as a sex toy!
What if, for example, the ~50 yo guy saw a human there and became interested in that person beyond a possible sex opportunity? He could have met a smart, fun girl instead of being kicked. He could have shared moments. But he missed it. He didn’t talk to Adelaide, he didn’t care about the human there, and he got nothing.
I’d love to see an open discussion about how changing our relationship with women is the best thing for us too, even if we think in the most selfish way. We might conclude that male privilege is too good to trade for anything and that ethics is the only reason (and, as I said above, I think its a good enough reason) to stop oppressing women, but my hypothesis is that we would all win. If we are able to demonstrate to ourselves, as feminists, female or male, that gender equality is the best for both sexes, I think we would have a great argument to support change.
This is a great comment. I’ve always thought that men should see that there are benefits to treating women well. The same men who talk loudly about wanting to have sex are also usually the ones to call women sluts. My thought is, “Dude, you are losing your target demographic.”
I like this. I think I will call it incentive based feminism.
Adelaide,
I just stubmledupon your site as well. 1) Good luck and I hope you make it. 2) Sounds like your hiking the AT, just as a small suggestion, maybe next time try the PCT. I have so little inclination to do the AT, I just dont want to see towns. I have no interest. Also the ability to drop off the trail and get smashed and then get back on the trail …. seems like it may lead to … lets say a certain type of people … you may be interested in avoiding. On the other hand the PCT doesnt really have that, your getting off the trail, your hiking a day to get to town. Kind of cuts down on the whole “ill bring a 6 pack back to the trail!” Not that its not done, I just found that the majority of hikers on the PCT seemed to be a little more into wildlife and being away from people then, getting on a trail they could party on. No offense to you AT hikers, i just dont want to see towns if im hiking.
Great post.
I have to say that I feel quite a kinship with you on the whole ‘men failing to speak up around one another’.
At the moment I’m studying in my Junior year abroad in Buenos Aires, and I am the only female (and international) student in my classes.
Many times the boys will say things in jest with each other that actually come off quite demeaning to me. I try to roll with it, but eventually someone will cross the line and say something bold like, ‘so after class you are coming home with me, right?’. This is the part where I stop smiling, but the boys keep laughing.
When I express dislike for the situation, it only seems to provoke them more.
I don’t understand why one of them doesn’t just help me out. All it takes is a change in topic?
So yes, it is so exasperating (albeit gratifying when I make better grades than them).
So anyway, thanks for sharing. Your venting has made me feel better.
I appreciate you sharing, too.
That’s a tough situation, being the only woman in your classes. Good for you for going on that adventure (and getting better grades than them). If you ever start a blog about your travels, send me a link.
-Addy
I am encouraged by how many positive male responses you have received.
I think most men and well, people, can be truly decent and do the right thing. Unfortunately Kitty Genovese psychology, or the bystander effect seems to kick in with groups.
It takes a strong person to ignore what the majority will think and stand up for what is right; especially amongst peers, in this case males.
All you decent guys who posted: remember this. You are taking a risk by standing up against something you know is wrong (and you can tell when it’s wrong, because you feel it in your guts). It takes a lot of bravery, and ya, your friends might think you’re a _____ (insert any number of insults here)… BUT, you’ll sleep easy.
We are the change we want to see… our actions may be small but they can mean the world to some one else.
I commend your bravery Adelaide. Keep on being the strong woman you are.
Thanks for the encouragement, Dawn. I also am glad to celebrate the men who have commented positively here. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for equality no matter what your gender.
As men we have to be feminists, stand tall and be proud of that.
I make a point of saying that to blokes, and especially in rural Australia where I am, it’s confronting for them. It should not be, until it’s not, I reckon keep doing it. The feminist movement is not ‘just women standing up for themselves’, it’s about men recognising we have priviledge in just the fact we are men due to the historical and social patriarchy that dominates societies, and to stop abusing that. The most aggressive dominance is really well described in this post, it’s something as men we have to confront constantly, and not just pass it off as ‘oh we live in a liberated, egalitarian society now’ it’s just not true. It’s an insidious and well established domination, regardless of the fact we may feel we are not sexist, by the actions of others that are, how we project ourselves is effected. We need to confront this attitude and be real men. You’d be surprised, it only takes usually one man for the others to also stand up, and make the person acting like this look like a real dick. Your mates will respect you no end for your strength too. It’s win win.
The hardest, and most important, aspect of the fight for equality between sexes, of feminism (and if you believe in equality between sexes, you ARE a feminist), is men confronting themselves and recognising that the largest step to equality starts in their own actions and minds. Our privilege is maintained by the insidious dominance of males that act as in the post, and if we are going to fight for equality, we have to recognise these people are also affecting us.
It just makes me angry this stuff, it’s not like women haven’t been saying this for decades, and I’m sick to death of other men actively putting me in the position of dominance by their actions maintaining this crap.
This is a great response. I particularly appreciate this line, “The hardest, and most important, aspect of the fight for equality between sexes, of feminism (and if you believe in equality between sexes, you ARE a feminist), is men confronting themselves and recognising that the largest step to equality starts in their own actions and minds.” We have all been inculturated with harmful ideas about equality for gender and race.
I was recently talking with my mother about her move to a new neighborhood. She said, “I grew up in Southern Mississippi, and, even though I don’t like it, I feel in myself racism and fear around certain minorities. It is good for me that I now live in a diverse neighborhood because I have to wrestle through and conquer this racism that I grew up with.” It took a lot of courage for her to identify this about herself and even more courage to try to change.
I think the same is true for gender. As men and women, we have to evaluate our stereotypes about gender and seek to overcome them. Thanks for your comment, I appreciate your perspective.
“I once made a girl orgasm from a foot massage”
“I once killed a man just to watch him die”
Ha! I read this comment to a friend of mine and he thought it was hilarious.
I admire your courage to set clear boundaries and set consequences i.e. “the quiet game”, smiling with sarcasm, or walking away. It’s very hard not to explode (or sometimes implode and completely shut yourself down) in aggressive situations like that. I was a female wildland firefigher, and can’t go back. I’m going through a lot of emotional baggage because I was scared of being labeled as “oversensitive” and didn’t handle situations like you did. I truly hope your strength and personality seeps into more minds and women stop being ashamed to stand up for themselves. Keep it up!
I recommend that everyone learn the “quiet game” for difficult situations.
You’re very inspiring, I admire the strength and self confidence you are able to tackle these situations with.
Thanks! I appreciate it.
I definitely get where you are coming from! Being harassed is awful. I’ve had older men make comments to me like that in a variety of office settings. Once a VP made a really vulgar comment to me about looking up my skirt and I reported it to HR, and they told the VP that I’m “sensitive” and you can’t say things like that to me because I’ll “overreact.” What’s really sad is that the HR person was a woman. So now I feel like if I stand up for myself, people will think I’m a man-hater or oversensitive. It’s really hard to know how to act in these situations without getting it turned around on you. Good for you for standing up for yourself, is what I say.
I hear you. Calling someone sensitive is just a destructive way to undermine someone’s emotions. It is totally reasonable that you would be upset about your VP saying vulgar comments to you. It’s too bad (and really frustrating) that the HR woman couldn’t see that.
Grrr. These things make me angry. Thanks for being supportive and I support you right back.
How do you fit something like “I once gave a girl an orgasm with a foot massage,” into a conversation? “You know i think that the national debt is a significant challenge to the united states, oh and by the way ‘I once gave a girl an orgasm with a foot massage.’” What the hell is wrong with people… I am sorry you have to put up with that crap.
My friend and I are cracking up reading your comment.
That guy was was pretty bizarre. He somehow turned everything into evidence of his own intelligence or his sexual desirability to women. At one point, after I had not been responding to his advances, he got angry and said, “People in your generation just aren’t romantic anymore.” Then he told me that I was callous and wouldn’t make it around other men, so it was good he was around. I’m just glad I came up with the quiet game.
Good for you. If I said something to someone and she took it as inappropriate (whether I meant it to be or not is irrelevant) and she told me so, I’d apologize and try not to do it again. It’s amazing to me how insensitive people can be, and they don’t even think it’s a problem. I once had a supervisor who asked the new employee helping me run my machine (my helper was an African-American woman) if she was OK with “making fun of it.” “It” turned out to be her race. She said, “I guess,” and he said, “Oh, good. ‘Cause there’s enough blacks here to make a Tarzan movie.” She just smiled – classy – and he walked away chuckling to himself. I apologized and she said, “Hey, he’s the boss. If he thinks it’s funny, it’s funny. And if I think he’s an a-hole…” Then we both laughed.
Wow. Good for her for being able to smile. It’s tough to let those things roll of your back. I’m glad you were supportive.
Adelaide, I came upon your blog by accident. I’ve never hiked and don’t live anywhere near Maine, I fact I’m European. The point is I felt compelled to read your post. I think you’re great for showing the amount of restraint that you have. In fact, you are anything but a femi-nazi. I guess you will always continue to recieve this kind of treatment from guys in this kind off situation, and I don’t mean to excuse them by saying this. I just wanted to show support and express my wish that you’ll be careful on your hikes. Men can get crazy when it comes to women, and I think that the fact that you’re such an exeption makes you more interesting to them, if you know what i mean. Additionally, they probably think that being nice and thoughtful is less likely to get them laid in one-night occasions than getting a girl drunk and being pushy. Good travels, and stay strong.
Thank you for your comment. I found it really encouraging.
Goddaym A-holes. Thanks for not judging all men based on these guys. Who are these women who are actually sleeping with these guys, though? Ladies ought to get organized and boycott these jackoffs. I’ve seen far too many women jump into bed with guys worse than these. Then again, I suppose some of these guys are just punks because they know they’re too stupid to actually engage you on equal footing. Sigh. Keep fighting the good fight.
-Steve
I’m totally down with the boycott idea! That’s great.
Steve, no one is sleeping with these guys. They are making it up in order to attemp to convince women to hop on the bandwagon of their personal porn fantasy. I don’t know why men do this. I’ve never seen a woman who was swayed by the prospect of potential testimonials enough to actually sleep with a man. I know I’ve never asked a man, “Hey, how many satisfied customers have you had?” in order to determine if I want to frolic.
Of course, some women have no taste and would screw a wildebeast if he bought her 3 drinks and told her he’d rock her world. Meh.
So glad you shared. Go get ‘em sister!
Thanks Rebecca.
I don’t usually read blogs, but this caught my eye. As a woman going into a heavily man infested field (I want to be a ‘cameraman’, the name just tells you right there), reading this actually made me feel better. I mean, if you can handle grotesquely improper males in the middle of no where, why I can’t I?
I also hike, but usually places no one else is, and not for nearly as long. Maybe someday I’ll hit the forest, with you as a guiding star, so to speak. Thank you for venting!
Keep doing what you are doing and try not to give those ill behaved males another thought
As a guy, what can I do for my friends who happen to be girls? How and when can I stand up against other men, without making them feel as if I am treating them like children?
It means a lot that you are concerned. You might have to ask your friends for their preference. For me, men who make jokes about rape or call women sluts are clearly way out of bounds and it’s important to publicly disagree with them. Talking about big boobs or other body parts is annoying, but I can look past it. That’s how I feel, but some women are different.
Thanks for asking.
From one guy to another, AND for the benefit of anyone else reading, you can address the situation without making women feel like children. It’s not like you have to step in front of them and put up your dukes. If someone is behaving unacceptably, make it known that YOU find it unacceptable. Leave women out of it completely.
“Hey man, I take offense to what you just said, thats not cool and women do not deserve to be thought/talked about like that.”
Stick up for your own beliefs. If you do then youll not only feel good, but women should understand that your standing up for what you believe in.
Gears and cheers.
Cycletourist.
Adelaide, I Stumbled upon your page, and that was a great blog post. That behaviour is simply appalling by those guys – I feel the same way as other posters here whose blood is boiling. Of course it’s driving you crazy! As I’ve given quite a few posts related to feminism the thumbs up, I’ve started seeing quite a lot of angry women posting the stuff that’s making them angry – and it seems to me (an Australian bloke) that it’s a good thing these stories are being told from the woman’s point of view because it underscores how demeaning the behaviour is. Hope you do have a few sane friends in real space though!
I do have some sane friends in real space
and a very supportive blogging community, it seems.
I’m so glad I stumbled across your page! I plan to go on longer solo-female hike’s myself and you’ve got a lot of good tips and tricks that aren’t always covered on the average hiking sites. That being said, I’m already kin of bummed out knowing that at some point I’m going to have to deal with assholes like these, well actually a lot of times I already am, it’s not only on the trails that men let other men get away with totally unacceptable behavior. You should read this article, you’re not alone and more importantly, you are not wrong to be offended.
Mima
http://kateharding.net/2009/10/14/have-you-tried-not-being-so-sexy/
just stumbled upon your blog. great to read of your trials on the trail. you write lucidly and it’s easy to feel included in the adventure. as for these particular experiences, like those above, i guess all i can do is apologise for my entire sex and wish you more evolved companions in the future.
)
How did that song go?
Seriously, what the hell?
Definitely. I don’t hate men (my little brother is one of my best friends), but I do get irritated at some guys.
I would apologize for the male half in general but it would do no good. We remain (generally) ego driven assholes, especially where sport and survival is concerned. Sadly, you will insulted again and again. I think you should learn some kun-fu and be even more insulting but… arguing with a fencepost is pointless.
Good for you for getting out there and doing what you do regardless of the sexism you encounter! Keep your head up, sista!
Thanks, Claire. I’ve been amazed with how supportive people have been!
You go girl! I wish I was confident enough to hike on my own!
Thanks, and I totally support you if you ever want to get out there on your own. It’s not so bad as long as you get used to being annoyed from time to time.
It’s not the standing up for yourself that makes you sound like a Feminazi, it’s the threatening castration (a hiking pole? jesus). Show me one feminist blog that doesn’t make at least one reference to mutilating male genitalia.
…Not that I don’t agree with the rest of your post here. Except this:
“I don’t understand why men don’t stand up to other men about things like this.”
Uh, that’s because you’re a woman, and women don’t get punched in the face for being snarky. If you’re a man, “standing up to” another man, especially in a bar, that means you are starting a fight. Not that I’d expect you to understand this, but please, try not to see everything from your limited perspective.
You ask the oppressed minority to see from the privileged majority’ perspective? The one women have had to see from for centuries? Uh, how about you see from women’s view for once? Why is it a ‘feminazi’ thing to be aggressive about your rights and physical integrity? If you had to live with this sort of harassment all your life, I think I’d want to tear somebody’ nuts off too. Women don’t want to play nice and they shouldn’t have to. If you want to change the way things are going, complaining politely as you continue to do as you’ve always done won’t change shit.
Thanks for your support Sean. I’m not sure yet how to best effect change, but it speaking up does seem to be the first step, and it is great to hear from men who are willing to do that, too.
Hey Adelaide,
Just wanted to say I admire you for being so forthright about men talking abusively about women. It’s sad that it is the case still that speaking up against sexually abusive and demeaning language and behaviour is not only exhausting but also a seemingly endless exercise. Feminism is going along in the right direction, though, and eventually people like your middle aged ‘quiet time’ friend and the guy from the shop will die out, alone and unloved. There is a natural selection going on here. Misogyny is (surprisingly) not exactly an attractive trait in a man, and an ever increasing amount of women are no longer standing for it. Eventually men will naturally understand that that behaviour is unacceptable, and unattractive.
I think you’re awesome for your attitude. I know how you feel about how speaking up can cause problems socially; I’ve had a massive row before with one of my oldest friends because of a throw-away remark which was highly racist, something I couldn’t let slide because of my principles, even though he’s said it more for effect rather than saying something he believed. So of course I’d say you should totally stick to your guns.
I think you’ve got a lot of guts to just go out hiking on your own. I’ve done walks in the UK on my own, but you could hardly call them hikes. It takes some real self confidence to get out on the trail for an extended period of time, so kudos to you.
Gareth
Thanks Gareth, I appreciate it.
I definitely get your point about misogyny being unattractive. I’ve always thought it strange that men who talk about how much they “want to get laid,” also talk about women who have sex “sluts.” It seems counterproductive to me.
Please don’t worry about being called a “femi-nazi” or “man-hater”. You are perfectly entitled to stand up for yourself when the people around you are being douchebags, which these men were. I’m just glad you asserted yourself, despite any concerns about seeming mean. Your friends shouldn’t have put you in the position of being around someone who has such clear issues with women.
sounds like you have met some shitty hikers.
Call me less than optimistic, but I don’t think that there are lots of wonderful men overshadowed by a few jerks, but instead lots of jerks creating an almost impossible riptide of chauvinism that even the conscious males can hardly resist. My friends I think usually are pretty mild in the open sexual harassment and debasement of women category, but still I often times give out the most incredulous looks and sarcastic responses for all the times when conversations somehow devolve into crude rating systems based on breast size or functionality in bed. Yet even complacency often times takes hold for a variety of reasons on my own part.
Liked your article though, maybe you could carry around a homemade spay and neutering kit on the trails to drive home your point? I dunno…
Yes, hearing this kind of behavior quite literally makes my blood boil. Good luck staying sane around it.
Thanks, Willem.
Wow, I feel ya. Makes me so mad! I don’t like to think that all men are animals, and I know it’s not true, but the ones that are seem to be the loudest.
I think you have said it well. There are a lot of wonderful men, but they sometimes get overshadowed by a few jerks.
I just started following your blog a week ago because I’d like to do something like you are doing some day. I turn 60 in 3 days and am depressed that guys are still like that. We haven’t come very far. Good to see you are working on your “diversion skills”.
That sounds great! I’m sure you would kick butt on the trail! We need more women out there.
I have to remind myself to breathe when I read this stuff. Guys like that need to be kicked in the balls, and hard.